420 ftw
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize