no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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