He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
