just come out here and I will go home with you...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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