Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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