Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
