he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize