I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
