I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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