I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
