So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
