I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
