Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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