You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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