have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
