i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize