There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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