ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
