I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
