when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
