I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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