Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
