cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
