She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
