Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize