She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
