1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
