Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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