You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
