Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
