Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Randomize
