you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
