How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
