:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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