**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
How does it feel to date your dad?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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