I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
