Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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