just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
