Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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