Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
