For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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