I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
