maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
