Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
