she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
