Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
