We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
