There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
