O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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