i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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