Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
