i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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