i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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