i wish peter jackson would direct porn
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
