but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize