It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
