A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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