you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
