I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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