So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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