I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
