i jhust puked up my retainher.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
