I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
