I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize