we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
