Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
