matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
