I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
