Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
