so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
