I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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