No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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