May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
