I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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