Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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