8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
