We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
