I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
