take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
