This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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