Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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