I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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