and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
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Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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