On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
