You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
