Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
