That's when you crack a 10am beer
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
