Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
